Guilt, job, preschool and more guilt

This year marks my 3 year anniversary as a stay at home mom.  Making the decision to stay at home was not an easy one to make.  I tried to think about all options and weigh pros and cons for both.  Speaking with my mother did NOT help, she is a "don't let a man support you", "make sure you can take care of yourself", "you never know what the future holds so be prepared" kind of gal.  So when I brought up the idea of staying home she was against it from the very beginning.  She didn't want Jacob to support us financially because she felt I would have no say in anything.  Jacob and I finally made the decision (on our own) that the best thing for our family would be for me to stay home with our little one.  Even though Jacob and I made the decision together as a family, I felt very GUILTY about not being able to help my husband financially.  I knew he would have to carry a big burden on his own and that caused great amounts of guilt.  Jacob doesn't complain or even admit to the "burden" but I know it was there.

Due to this guilt I decided to apply for part time jobs with reputable companies (if I was going to work I wanted to make sure it was worth it).  But no one called.  I was fine with that because at least I felt I was "trying" to help.  Low and behold SDG&E called me right before Christmas and asked me if I was interested in a part time job.  My initial reaction was NO but then Jacob and I discussed it and I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least interview, right?  WRONG... I got the job!  Which is a good and bad thing.  I love the idea of returning to work and actually contributing financially to our family, since this job pays fairly well and has GREAT opportunity for advancement.  We might be able to move out of our shoe box and into a bigger home... eventually.  This will only be a part time job (after a 6 week full time training), so I should be able to be home with Nevaeh most days out of the week... or at least some days out of the week.  Also, I enjoy working and learning new things.... BUT

Now we have to put Nevaeh in a new school.  One that can take her full time (due to the training).  I feel horrible pulling her out of her school, which she LOVES.  We have been discussing her "new" school for a while and the fact that today would be the last day of her "old" school.  She seemed to understand and all was well until I took her to school this morning.  Maybe it is just my pregnancy hormones but I started to cry, she is so happy at this school.  She loves her friends and teachers and now I am going to take her out... am I being selfish?

Here is were the "new" guilt comes in.  Now I feel guilty about going to work and disrupting Nevaeh's life.  This is a really good thing for our family because although we have been able to make it with one income ... we have only been able to make it.  Now with a 2nd incomes we will be able to make some progress, which is needed with a new baby on the way.  

When does the guilt end?  Does it ever end?  Am I not giving Nevaeh enough credit?  She has adjusted very well so far.  Am I not giving myself enough credit?  

Palomar Mountains

Daddy and Mommy: portrait taken by Nevaeh!

Nevaeh snuggling up to daddy

Nevaeh and her snowmen 

Mommy and Nevaeh keeping warm

The Mageo's

On Saturday, Jacob woke up early made breakfast and was waiting on both me and Nevaeh to wake up.  He had decided that we would head to the snow so Nevaeh could experience it for the first time.  I was being a big lazy pregnant grump and didn't want to go but decided to give it a try.  We ended up having so much fun... I am so glad Jacob had such a brilliant idea!  Thanks babe!

Merry Christmas

Hope you Christmas was as wonderful and blessed as ours!

Christmas Eve, all of the Amador grandkids... so far!

The feast Nevaeh set out for Santa, brownies, milk and artwork.

This is what Santa brought for Nevaeh... her 'scooter-scooter'!

MERRY CHRISTMAS from our family to yours!

WHAT

Okay, so if you read one of my last posts you know that my mama and daddy bought us a brand new BEAUTIFUL bed.  My mom said she wished it would bring us good luck with the baby making.... well it worked!  She brought us the bed on Saturday and we got pregnant the following Wednesday.  My mother is pretty awesome and quite amazing!  She cried for about 10 minutes after I told her we were expecting.

Our newest addition is due July 22nd... but according to my latest ultrasound that little one is already measuring 3 days bigger... if that is any indication I am in for a whopper of a child.  Nevaeh was 9 lbs 13 oz, and I've heard that your 2nd tends to be bigger than your first!!   Luckily, I will be scheduled for a C-section a week before my due date BUT unfortunately that will be right around Nevaeh's birthday, and I don't feel like stealing her thunder.  I don't want to start any sibling rivalry the day the new one is born!  I guess we will just have to figure something out, right?!?!  Any ideas?  

Honestly, I don't know who is more excited, Nevaeh or Jacob.  Nevaeh talks about her sister (because she is already convinced it will NOT and I repeat NOT be a boy) non stop, and she talks to my belly all the time!  She rubs my belly and talks softly to her sister, so sweet.  I can't even imagine how she will smother her when she does get here.  

Jacob can't wait for me to start showing!!  He can't wait until he can feel the baby move so he can somehow be a bigger part of the process.  We weren't going to tell anyone (other than immediate family) until at least my 2nd ultrasound.  Well, every time Jacob came home from work he would say "babe, I told someone today".  I couldn't get mad, I knew he was so excited he couldn't help his loose lips!  Who am I kidding... as soon as I saw the baby's heartbeat I started blabbing... and telling all of my friends and neighbors.  

Jacob and I couldn't feel more blessed.  We have been praying for this baby for a LONG LONG time.  We both cried when we finally saw PREGNANT on the stick... it almost felt unreal.  After so many NOT PREGNANTs it seemed as if it was never going to happen.

OH by the way.... my sister Monica is also expecting.  She is just 5 weeks further along than I am.  We will be pregnant together again!!  Can't wait... 

  

NKOTB

Jen, DONNIE and Trish

The Kids

The Candid Shot

"oh, I didn't realize you were taking pictures!"

Only Uncle Jeff and Auntie Trish can really appreciate this pose... surprised, happy and loving life!

Update

here are some recent pics of Vaeh

Nevaeh with Tinkerbell (disney's latest character meet and greet)

Nevaeh and her amazing purchase from Dollar Tree... her pimp hat.

Luckily, nothing much has changed.  Jacob continues to work as hard as he can to support his family, taking as much overtime as one person possibly can. Nevaeh has been LOVING school and being her awesome fun energetic self.  I have been taking care of my family the best way I know how... 

I also have been trying out new recipes at home!  I am pretty much a one hit wonder when it comes to the kitchen but I have been trying my best to dabble into other recipes.  I must admit it isn't as hard as I thought it would be and it is much more rewarding than I thought it would be.  I think I will continue my new exploration in the kitchen until I get someone sick!!

The only bad thing that happened was that a water pipe started leaking over Nevaeh's room.  Unfortunately no one in our immediate family knows anything about plumbing.  We got a few quotes, the cheapest one was $300!!  Fortunately, Jacob's brothers friends husband came to the rescue and fix our pipe practically for free!!  We are blessed... simply blessed!  It is pretty crazy, it took the guy about 30 minutes... I can't imagine the other guy working for 30 minutes and then we have to dish out 300 BUCKS!!   We will have to re-pipe the entire house but we can handle that next year.... we just needed to get that little leak taken care of NOW.

***OH, My wonderful wonderful mother and father bought Jacob and I a brand new bed!!  My mom knew we had  a hand me down since we got married and decided to have one custom made for my birthday.  Let me tell you we have never slept better!!  Nevaeh says, "oh mom, it is so comfortable", too cute.  My mom hopes it brings us luck in the baby making department... we will see, only time will tell*****

Another side note Nevaeh's current FAVORITE SONG is Single ladies, by Beyonce.  She sounds so funny singing it!!